I'm an Uncle!

I'm pretty stoked to welcome my new little nephew, Pierce Brock Roark, into the world. Check out my brother and sister-in-law's blog for all the details.

I See London, I See France, I See You Essentially Naked

I'd like to give a shout out to my friend Magen for the title of this post. I definitely stole it from her blog.

Second only to my disgust for taxis is my disgust for airport security lines. This disgust has just recently reached unprecedented levels.

This past Monday as I was walking through one of the security check points at DFW's international terminal, I noticed a new machine that I had not seen before. Upon first glance, I thought it was one of those "puffer" machines that blow air at you and check to see if you have been transporting any explosive devices. I realized that this was not the case. It was one of those new x-ray machines that scans your body to see if you have any weapons that the metal detector would not pick up. I was pleased when I saw that the machine was not in use...or so I thought.

After standing in line and watching a minimum of 50 people pass through the metal detectors without any problem, it was my turn. I put my bags on the conveyor belt and walked over to the metal detector. I walked through without any problems. No beeps, no alarms going off. Nothing. (I've been through these machines enough times to know what will set them off.) I thought I was done. But no. A big man walks up to me and asks me if I can step into the machine. I was thinking in my head, "What the heck? Of all the people to 'randomly' ask to use this machine, why did you ask me?...the little 20-somethin' white boy dressed up in business casual that's still groggy from waking up too early."

Anyway, before I realized what was about to happen, it was too late. I had just been VIOLATED. Someone in some far off room just saw me butt-naked on their closed circuit television. Now you may be thinking, "Branden, they didn't really see you naked. They just saw an x-ray image of you." Well, take a look at the picture below and let me know if you still feel the same way.

Before walking into the machine they ask you if you have anything in your pockets. And since I'm a Moesser descendent, I of course had Chapstick in my front pocket. He asked me to hold it in my hands and then hold up my hands to my side. I wasn't allowed to put my hands in front of my "bits and pieces" to shield them from view. No. They had a 100% unobstructed view of my family jewels. Great. That just made my day. After the scan was done, the man got a message in his earpiece (you know what of those sneaky FBI like things) and he said to me "Do you have anything in your right, back pocket?" and I said "Oh ya, I have my wallet back there." He proceed to say in his 'polite' TSA tone of voice, "Well, that's why I asked you if you had anything in your pockets." I just ignored his rude tone and pulled it out to show him that the rectangular object in my right, back pocket was in fact a wallet and not a weapon of mass destruction.

After going through this semi-traumatic experience, I was curious to see who the next victim would be. Guess who the next victim was...NO ONE. No one had the pleasure of being digitally raped like I was. Oh well. I guess that just means someone wanted to see me naked. I guess I should just take it as a compliment and move on. All I hope is that the nameless, faceless person in the back room that saw me naked was a hot blonde, and not some obese man with a hairy back. Is that too much to ask?

Long story short, if you ever have the pleasure of visiting me in Dallas and you have to go through the international terminal at DFW...be forewarned. Next time I have to go through, I'm asking for a pat down.

Go Mavs!...or Jazz!

On Saturday night I had the chance to go to a Dallas Mavericks game at the American Airlines Center. The game was between the Mavs and the Utah Jazz. There couldn't have been a more fitting game for a bunch of Texas Mormons to attend.

As you can see from the picture below, it was a pretty full house and we had really, really "good" seats. We were about as far back as you can get, but for $13 bucks, what more can you expect. I had a fun time, mostly because I was attending my first Mavs game and I was with a bunch of great friends, not because I was particualarly interested in what was going on 3 stories below me.

American Airlines Center

Heather, Me, Jessica, and Magen

Heather and Me

Jessica, Heather, and Me

I was slightly torn as to who I should be rooting for. I live in Dallas and I was attending the game at the Mavs home court so I thought it would be fitting to root for them. However, I'm Mormon and I've lived in Utah for several years, so I thought I should root for the Jazz as well. I finally decided that I really didn't care one way or the other, so I just clapped when the people around me clapped. It worked out just fine. Either way, I would have been pleased with the final result.

Final Score: Mavs 115 Jazz 106

On a side note, we took the train to the game. It would have cost us $20 to park at the AA Center, so we thought we would save some money and take public transportation. It was a $3 round trip and we got dropped off right in front of the building. Pretty good deal if you ask me.

Taxis

For those of you that know me well, you know of my disgust for taxis. I've lost two cell phones inside of taxis (yes, I realize that's not the taxis fault, but it still makes me hate them more). I live VERY close to the airport, so all of the taxi drivers get very angry with me because my taxi fare is so low. They wait for hours at the airport for their next passenger, and then I come along and they have a 10 minute drive to my house. I learned early that if I try to pay with a credit card that they will most likely yell at me, so I now pay with cash as to avoid as much confrontation as possible.

Anyway, the whole reason I am sharing this with you is because I had an amazing taxi experience yesterday. I was picked up from my hotel and I was driven to the airport…a ten minute drive. Not once did the driver complain that I was so close to the airport. Also, I was 100% sure that he did not complain because I could understand every word he said to me. He actually spoke English. And to top off the whole wonderful taxi experience, I was picked up in one of these cool, CLEAN British taxis. Very roomy and very unique.

ICE Cont.

Gingerbread House

Me and an elf

Santa

Ice slide: very fun

Frozen branches and lights

Choir of angels

Lamb

Nativity scene: I liked everything but the halos above Mary, Joseph, and Jesus.

ICE

Last weekend on Friday, December 12, 2008, I had the chance to go out with some great friends to an awesome exhibit at the Gaylord Texan (it’s a hotel/resort in Grapevine, TX) called ICE!. As I was purchasing tickets online for the event, a pop-up warning came up notifying me that the exhibit would be 9 degrees inside and that you should dress appropriately. I, personally, thought that they were just exaggerating to make a point. Boy was I wrong. That was the coldest place I have ever been.

My friends: Jessica, Magen, Sarah, Heather, and Me

Me at the entrance.

Remember that everything you'll see in all of these pictures is made out of ice.

Bridge and ice skaters.

Coca Cola bear

Ornaments

Inaugural Post

I know everyone has been anxiously awaiting this moment, my first blog post.

After many long hours (unfortunately I'm not exaggerating) I have finally settled on an acceptable blog layout/color scheme. For some reason, I felt as though I couldn’t start writing anything until everything looked perfect. It’s quite the chore to find a blog background that is appropriately masculine and legible all at the same time. Everything may not be perfect, but it’s a good start.

I’ve been wanting to start a blog for a long time, but there have been several reasons that I just haven’t started. The main reason was that it seems like only newly married girls have blogs. Since I am neither married nor am I female, I have unnecessarily delayed the start of my blogging. I have gotten over that and figured I too have funny/interesting stories to share, so why not start now. My wife can take over once I get married. :)

Once I decided I would start blogging I told my Mom about my intentions. She said, and I quote, “What do you have to blog about?” I strongly felt the need to say, “Just because I’m not a newly married female with a cute new house and a child on the way, doesn’t mean that I don’t have a life or anything interesting to say!” …but I resisted. So, Mom, this blog is officially dedicated to you. Hopefully I have something interesting enough to say that you take the time to read it.

So, in conclusion, I hope all of my family and friends enjoy the many blogs to come. Please leave comments and let me know what you think.