File cabinet or blog?

Some say that women's minds are like file cabinets...at a moment's notice they are able to pull out specific details (dates, times, etc.) about specific events.

I've come to the realization that my mind is like a blog.

Anytime I'm alone (sitting in the backseat of a taxi, walking to lunch, etc) I often find myself mentally writing blog entries. I come up with blog titles...I think of the perfect picture to use...I try think of funny one-liners...

Am I the only one that has been so effected by this digital/media filled/computerized age that my first thought after a funny/interesting event happens is "I should blog about that..."?

Case in point:

As I was walking through the airport this week, I tripped myself (I don't know how; if I did, I wouldn't have done it in the first place) and almost face planted myself on the tile floor in full view of everyone in the adjacent terminal.

My first thought wasn't..."Oh dang, I hope no one saw that!" or "I'm such an idiot..."

My first thought was "I wonder what my blog title would be if I had that on video?"

And for those of you smart alecks out there that are thinking "Why don't you actually post some of those mental blogs every once in a while?" ...I'm giving you a mental response right now, you just don't want to read it... ;)

Diamonds are forever...

This morning wasn't much different than any other morning.

I woke up to the alarm on my cell phone (I use the term "woke up" loosely) and immediately pressed the snooze button...like I do every single morning of my life.

Nine minutes later the alarm goes off again...(don't ask me why they chose 9 minute snooze intervals, I've asked myself the same question many-a-time)...and I debate whether or not to "snooze" some more. Today I decided not to make it a double-snooze morning, but I still wasn't ready to get out of bed. So what did I do? I pulled up Facebook on my phone. After I was satiated by all the statuses of my friends, I pulled up my email.

To my surprise I received an email from Hilton. No, not Paris or Perez, just the hotel.

The email went something like this:

Thank you for...yada yada yada

Normally you have to stay with us for one million nights (said with pinky finger extended to corner of mouth)...yada yada yada

We don't do this very often...yada yada yada

However, "we have extended you a one time exception and upgraded your account to Diamond VIP."

"What?!?! Me? Really!?" In my sad little traveling consultant's mind, this was better than a college acceptance letter!

I felt like I had just won the hotel rewards/points lottery!

I know what you're thinking, so just go ahead...I give you permission; You can tell all of your friends you know someone that has Marriott Platinum status AND HiltonHonors Diamond VIP status.

That little black card you see above will have my name on it and will be delivered to my home in 3 weeks or less. Don't hate the player...hate the game. ;)

Leather and Camo

This week as I was walking down the street about a 1/2 mile to my favorite lunch spot, and I saw a guy dressed like this:

He reminded me of one of my favorite jokes from comedian Demetri Martin:

"I was at a party, and I saw a guy with a leather jacket, and I thought, 'That's cool'."

"Then I saw a guy with a leather vest and I thought, 'That's not cool'."

"It was then that I realized what coolness is all about... leather sleeves."

Now you may be thinking to yourself, "Branden, how does a dude dressed in camouflage pants make you think of a joke about leather sleeves?"

Let me explain to you the thought that instantaneously went through my head as I saw the camouflage adorned man walk past me...

"I was walking down the street, and I saw a guy dressed in camouflage pants, and I thought

"He makes me feel unsafe."

"I then imagined the pictures I've seen from the news, and I thought

"He makes me feel safe."

"It was then that I realized what safety is all about... camouflage shirts."

Happy Birthday!

To the greatest sister-in-law ever!

Wishing you a very, very happy birthday Britney!

Where am I?

Have you ever been riding on an elevator and accidentally get off on the wrong floor because you're busy doing something else and not paying attention?

If so, how many times did you do it before you finally lifted up your head and paid attention?

One time? Two times? Three times?

Well, this week my magic number was 4. Was it because I finally started paying attention and got off in the right place? No. The 4th time I stepped off the elevator just happened to be the right floor.

Some weeks you just got it goin' on... This was not one of them.

What state?

What state do I live in?

Oh yea...TEXAS!

Movie night at Branden's

Lovin' it...

You be the judge.

= ?

You be the judge.

Put me out of my misery

The fateful day is May 30th. It is coming far too quickly. If I don't tell you how I did, don't ask.

I'm an Uncle!

I'm pretty stoked to welcome my new little nephew, Pierce Brock Roark, into the world. Check out my brother and sister-in-law's blog for all the details.